Friday, February 18, 2011

I HATE YOU GUYS. AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HATING YOU GUYS. I'M SORRY.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I never know that this year will be a year full of issues.
Entahlah. macam annoyed sangat dah.
and paling sedih lagi, tak pasal-pasal je aku blame orang yang tak salah.
Heh!

The 0711 is being issued again.tapi between the IS and IK jek. Tapi affected the whole form. kot.
Masalah! And I wasn't there. To present my class. I regretted it so much seriously.
Actually, it was none of the students fault to be blame.
But to stand from our side, please duduk kejap at OUR place!
What would you like to feel?
It was just last night I wrote that I'm certainly excited to fall in love with Arabic!
Semalam je bro. Bukan last year!
And there, goes the spit on me.
Not only me, but the whole classmates of mine.

Memang, people can simply said, takde sapa salah. 
I wasn't there, wasn't able to cry and sob together with my girls classmate,
wasn't able to reach the teachers to say that we don't want that change!
I wasn't there. But what I heard made me angry.
What I knew mad me mad. Extremely mad. 
and honestly, I blamed them. Those who're INNOCENT.
Sorry Iks, sorry elitious.

I felt it was unfair. What my friend told me.
How they were "discussing" in a very proper way.
Where there were two of them presenting my class while the others were all from their class.
And you know what's worse? The teacher was on their side. Supporting them.
This doesn't have to be this serious!
But they made this to be so.
If they were not bias to us. If and only if all the thoughts have gone,
I would have been smiling all the way here in Kuala Lumpur.
But what I got is just nothing.
I'm going back to Penang with a heart dirtied by hatred.
Towards my friends.
Tell you what? They're innocent. But I keep blaming them.
I hate myself for that.

Since I updated my status being so emo, I could not bare to see idayu and syahirah's comment.
They are both my real best friends.
How could we fight over this matter and let the friendship flew away just like that?
It's the school. I blamed the school then.

Nothing had happened till I made a choice to finish my unfinished reading over the journey throughout Sidney Sheldon's Bloodline. 

It's not a drama. It's a lifeline. Yet going to be tragic in our own way.
Everybody have their own feeling. For now, at least everyone wants to say that they're right.
You know what? Allah knows everything. He planned this all.
So, I'm just going to follow as how He arranged, as I know it's the best.

And most of all, I was emotionally disturbed by the news.
I decided not to talk too much with the IKs. Still, blaming them.
The truth is, we all yang supposed to be sad.
we all yang supposed to very mad, and yet we all yang supposed to cry.

And what's more important?
We'll still going to end up being the one who is wrong in their eyes.
HEH.
You guys win all the time.

You have no right to get mad of me. You guys have no right to hate me as how I should have hate you all.
You guys have no right to print this long entry to show the teachers on how rude I am towards you guys. To tell you, I don't hate you guys. I NEVER envied you guys. All I've been feeling all this while is, I hate is, THEY'RE UNFAIR TOWARDS US. 

You guys didn't ask to be born with beautiful brains. And so are we. Didn't ask to have just a little less beautiful brain from yours. 

END THIS ALL, HATE IS A VERY STRONG WORD. BUT, I SERIOUSLY HAVE A FEELING OF STRONG DISLIKE TOWARDS YOU GUYS. FOR ALL YOU'VE RECEIVED FROM THE SCHOOL AND YES, I'M SORRY FOR THIS. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN FEELING.

COME, STAND AT OUR PLACE AND FEEL THE WAY WE SHOULD.
AKU MINTAK MAAF,
AKU TAKNAK KERUHKAN KEADAAN. TAPI NI APA YANG AKU RASA. 

DAN YA, my English is not as good as you guys'. Heh, aku sinis lagi?
Sorry. * tulus dari hati.
Aku sayang 0711 and I don't want this to happen.

I SERIOUSLY HATE MYSELF FOR BLAMING YOU GUYS. I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS.

Love, Far.

7 comments:

fizie said...

kenapa ni?

Anonymous said...

err what happened?

<3 budak comot

fartvxqhlovate said...

afiq : kisah dia pjg doe. aku cita kt fb la kalau hng nk tw lebih lnjut. yg psti IK and IS gadoh la lebih kurang. selama ni ustz azli ajar Is, then ustzh ubh jdual. psni ustz ajr kls elit. so, fight over that matter. blaku la prtumpahan air mata. eh, PM aku kt FB! nti aku citaaa pjg :( sdeh gila.

anon, ehh? sapaaa? byk sgt org comot -.-' aha. em, as what i told afiq la.

fartvxqhlovate said...

afiq : kisah dia pjg doe. aku cita kt fb la kalau hng nk tw lebih lnjut. yg psti IK and IS gadoh la lebih kurang. selama ni ustz azli ajar Is, then ustzh ubh jdual. psni ustz ajr kls elit. so, fight over that matter. blaku la prtumpahan air mata. eh, PM aku kt FB! nti aku citaaa pjg :( sdeh gila.

anon, ehh? sapaaa? byk sgt org comot -.-' aha. em, as what i told afiq la.

zamiyrra said...

non, aku pun agak bangang ah! klo aku dduk tempat ampa pun aku emo mcm ng jugak! bebudak form3 pun ada cerita,, depa cakap, ustazah cakap, ustazah sedih sebab f5 takmau kat ustazah. aku dgr sedih gila kot. dah la kls aku pun ustazah ajar skali. terkena tempias skali doe. sedih gila. padahal bg aku ustazah ajar pun oke ja. mmg la ust azli best, tp pada aku ustazah ngajar oke ja. not bad laa. ish.. tatau nak ckp apa dah. sila view saya. something like yours. cuma tak sentoh pun psal isu tuh. :D

Anonymous said...

i didn't ask to be one of those IKs.
if i could,i'd have just change classes(my mom said so) but if i told the pengetua,would he allow me?no.

i know how u feel.don't ask how.but i know.

i feel like we're a bunch of guinea pigs.if this works out,then the school'll continue it.but if it didn't,then they'll stop doing it.our results?our feelings?i don't wanna talk about it.

fartvxqhlovate said...

Anon, i think i know who you are. but that's not the matter. yes i know. you guys are like an experiment. if you guys succeed well,then it's gonna be good. for school especially.
about the post, i said that OK. even i don't like to blame you guys. i felt like it was just kinda unfair. for us. i mean, if you've just sit at our place. and thanks for understanding us too :)
i meant no harm. no war please.
thanks. for all, i love you anon, as you're the 0711 for sure :') of course i do. and i'm sorry if this post hurts you, but this one, is what i felt on the day that case happened.