At times like this, when I feel like writing is when I feel down.
Yes. The result came out today. But just the provisional ones, to show either we passed the subjects we took, or otherwise.
And alhamdulillah. I passed it all. By next week we will all know the full result, which I choose not to know.
It's not the matter that I can't accept my result after all I have been through my first semester of my degree. It's just that I can't accept no matter how good or bad it is, for what I have been, for the first semester.
This ain't Farzana. This ain't the old me. I am, totally disappointed for what I have been throughout the semester.
I can't lie to myself. I know how worse I have became compared to my old self during my foundation year.
At times like this, I can only think of giving up. But I know I cant. My family doesnt give up on me. God doesn't. Then why should I?
The entire holiday, I keep telling myself that I should change, for better to deserve something good. To live such a great life, God has granted us, I should do better.
I know I have never forgotten the wise saying by Saidina Ali that if a person today is worse that his yesterday, he is a person that has been beguiled (terpedaya) of his life.
I should have made myself prepared for the new semester. I have made my mind. To continue going to usrah. Tho I have been there only once. (sorry kak usrah. I expect too much of myself. And be active in unnecessary things.)
I will do my best to start being better. And join things Im only capable of doing. Being MPD already, I have no choice but to finish it till the end.
Continue the progress I have made isn't a choice. It's a fate that God has put me into place. And my only choice that I can pick is to do it well. Himnae, Farzana.
All the best, Farzana! Allahu ma'ana. Prioritize, focus and change for better. Tajdid niat. Robbi yassir walaa tu'assir.